Saturday, April 16, 2011

Help! My Neighbors are Swingers!

So I take it the subject line brought you here.  It wasn't a typo.  Let me start from the beginning to paint a more clear picture. This is going to be LONG.   For a few months now, I've suspected that my neighbor upstairs is getting abused by her husband.  I would hear crying/sobbing all the time during the day and sometimes at night my husband and I would hear running, stomping, doors slamming and screaming and wailing like she was being hit.  I say LIKE she was being hit, because I have no proof that he actually hits her, although it clearly sounds that way.

One night, he even locked her out of the apartment and she was lying down in front of her door and crying in her abaya and niqab.  I let her come in to use my phone to call her husband, because she told me that she lost her key. (I didn't see any bruises when she took her niqab off) Turns out he had locked her out of the apartment, because he let her in about 30 minutes after she used my phone.  He had even called back my number and my husband answered my phone.  I was like.... "Tell him that it's MY phone!!"  I didn't want her to get "allegedly" beat up again.

The next day, she showed up at my place without the abaya with her sisters and asked if I'd like to join their party.  I was cooking dinner, so I kindly declined.  They came back later with two slices of yummy chocolate for me and husband.  I thought that was so nice.  I told her/them that I would visit her for coffee when I got back from Turkey.  I was leaving the next day.  So, when I got back from vacation, I baked some homemade oatmeal cookies (Thanks for the recipe Spanks!) and brought them along with her plates.  She wasn't home.  I tried again the next day, but no answer.  I didn't want to give her stale cookies, so on the 4th day, I went upstairs with her plates and some Turkish candy I brought back from Istanbul.  Now we begin the real story...

This time she was home and so was her husband.  They invited me in and the first thing I noticed was how small the dude was.  I was thinking, "Girl, you let this little focker beat your ass??"  I sat on the sofa and noticed how nice the place was furnished and gave her the compliment.  Her English was not that good, but she understood a lot of words.  Her husband translated some.  After telling her how much I liked her taste (in furniture, not men) she showed me around the apartment.  Somehow we got on the subject of music and I told her how much I like Arabic music.  By that time we were in the bedroom which had LED lights around the bed.  Different.  But kind of cool.  So, she and I were in the bedroom talking about music and her husband came in then.  He told her something in Arabic and she turned on the TV which had MP3's of Arabic music.  He told her to dance.  And I was thinking .... uh, okay?  Now let me tell you my mindset at this moment.  I had just come from Turkey and hung out with some great people.  They liked to have fun and dance and were cool to hang out with.   I was thinking, "Wow, some cool Kuwaiti's"... different, but open.  I didn't know how open.  So, I sat on the floor and was clapping to the music (off beat), nodding my head and closed mouth smiling... thinking, "Strange." She asked me where my husband was and I told her that he should be awake from his nap.

 I went downstairs to get him and said,"Look, we'll stay for 10 or 15 minutes and go."  I was really trying to be neighborly.  Back at their apartment, the door was left open for us to come in and we stood in the living room saying hello?  They called us back into the bedroom.  Her husband was relaxing on the bed and she was standing by the TV putting her hair in a bun.  Introductions were made and my husband said how nice their place was too.  I thanked her for showing me Kuwaiti dancing and said that I had recently been to a Kuwaiti wedding.  Why did I say that?  Her husband was all encouraging and told her to dance again.  I looked over at my husband puzzled. And he looked confused too.   Still, trying to not be rude we clapped off beat looking ever so awkward.  I wanted to get out of there but I just didn't think.  Her husband was like, "Dance, dance.  Please dance."  So we got off the floor and tried to dance to the Arabic music.  She danced with my husband and her husband was dancing near me.  At one point, I turned to look at her and paused..."Did she just touch my husband's chest??"  I turned back to her husband and he was scooching his pelvic region all close to me.  That was it!  I was like, "Man!  It's hot in here.... Wooo, I'm so tired!  I'm going in the other room." I quickly went into the living room.  The wife came in there with me and started showing me her wedding pictures.  That is when I learned that she is from Saudi, her husband is Kuwaiti and she is the second wife.  My husband was in the bedroom talking to her husband.  Then her husband said something in Arabic and she was running back to the bedroom.  Then her husband came in the living room and sat next to me on the sofa while I was looking at  their wedding album. He made small talk and then he started rubbing my lower back and a little of my side asking, "Is this okay, yes?"  I immediately said,  "No, it's not okay!... And he said, "Why not?"  So I said, "Because I'm for my husband and we don't do that!" Then I called to my husband, "We need to go Lulu (grocery shopping)!"  My man came out and I was trying to catch his eye so he could see that I was uncomfortable.  He missed it.  His wife was trying to take my husband back to the bedroom to dance for him and I said, "No, we've got to go."  I wanted out of there!  Her husband was asking if we could come back later that night for like an hour.... yeah right!  I stepped in and said, "No.  He's got to work and we've got to go."  I moved towards the door and wanted to run!

When we got back inside our apartment.  I was like, "He touched me!"  I told my man how he was rubbing my back.  And my man said, "She touched my back too!  Ugggggh!"  We looked at each other and said, "What the hell just happened?  What the hell did they think was gonna go down!?"  Oh my gosh, I want to rinse my brain out and forget this ever happened!   I felt like I was in a bad Seinfeld episode.  We called Desert Girl on the way to Lulu (grocery store).  I said," Girl,tell me I'm not crazy and this is not a normal custom here!"  She confirmed that they were not normal but crazy and that we were like the stupid people that moved to a haunted house and wouldn't move.

So the moral of the story is:   When in doubt, GET OUT!!!!
 It's time to move.


American Girl said...

OK, I don't mean to laugh at your 'incident', but that was hilarious! Surely not at the time as you must have been mortified (once you realized what happened). I agree this isn't anything resembling 'normal' customs.

Don't move! Have your husband bring home TALL men, randomly, one at a time -- maybe shorty neighbor dude will feel rejected and have his ego deflated!

Butterfly on the Wall said...

American Girl: TALL men? Tee hee hee! Laugh away...It took me a several days to find it funny. I felt so violated! If I see them again in the halls it won't be a beautiful day in the neighborhood. They better not even look at me.

I want to move anyway, because I want a dog which is a problem for the building owner.

Lydia said...

WOW... they totally stole my moves... rubbing the back of our guests normally works like a charm. and who could say no to my sweet dance moves?? by the way... are you two free for dinner any time soon? ;-)

American Girl said...

Aww, I'm so sorry you feel violated, but perfectly understandable!

Dogs are far more appealing than perverted neighbors anyway.

Best of luck!