Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Last week at nine o'clock at night, my husband and I were enjoying a movie at home when the doorbell rang. He looked in the peep hole and Uh oh!  The weird, swinger, neighbor skank from upstairs!  I decided to take my friend's advice...  Ignore them at all costs and they'll get the hint that we don't like them and don't want to be bothered.  So we continued to watch TV and  talk loud enough for her to hear us not bothering to open the door.  She rang the doorbell for several times and then I guess she got the hint...

Not! That Ho-Bag came back a couple of days later in the daytime.  Still, trying to blow her off passively, I ignored her and called my husband at work.  As she continued to ring the bell, I was getting really pissed off.  I told him what was happening in case I turned up in a Kuwaiti jail for beating her ass senseless.  She got the hint from hearing me talk loudly enough and not answering the door. She left... for a few minutes and then she had her MAID ring my doorbell!  All the while, the Ho-Bag hid down the staircase that is visible from my peephole.

I started looking for my keys to open the door.  I'm going to have to cuss this bitch out, I thought.  But before I could even get to them from my purse, the maid tried to open my door!  Yes!  She actually started jiggling the door handle.  Fuming, I dumped out my purse,  grabbed my keys to unlock the door, and literally growled my words at the maid as I swung open the door.  "Why are you trying to open my door?!  Don't be trying to open my F***ing door!"

The maid looked so scared I felt sorry for her for a second.  But I didn't stop my rant.  She looked down the staircase with pleading eyes and the Ho-Bag emerged from hiding.  Saying, "Excuse me, excuse me..."  Like she thought I was going to talk to her.  I thought this was a perfect time to direct my fury at her so I cut her off from anything she had to say.  I looked her straight in the eye and said, " Obviously I don't want to be bothered by you and don't you EVER try to open my f***ing door again!"  I slammed the door, pretty sure she got the hint now.  I really hate that I had to do it that way.  But I don't want her thinking that she or her perverted husband can come anywhere near me or my man.

The line in the sand is officially drawn.