Last night, I had the time of my life hanging with LOL, Desert Girl and Slapperella at my first Kuwaiti wedding.
I got the girls all gussied up at my house.... slumber party style. Lots of giggles and roll on the floor laughing. I loved how my hubby made us a fruit tray and bought us pizza; then he disappeared to let us do our thang. A-plus baby, for becoming invisible and deaf to our howling laughter and fabulously inappropriate girlie talk! Afterwards, we snapped some pictures and we donned our abayas. We rolled out the door covering our stylish and sexy dresses. We were running a little late, so Desert Girl was behind the wheel clipping corners like she stole it. Picture me flopping around the back seat trying to finish pinning LOL's hair up while miss lady was fish tailing. Hilarious.
When we got to the location, the ladies at the entrance greeted us so nicely. Actually, it was mostly family in the lobby and we got to meet the bride before she made her grand entrance. I was in awe of all the glitz and glam. White makeup, sparkles, eyebrows snatched back more perfect that Ru Paul's... This definitely ain't no Western wedding, I thought. No men around, so yay! The abayas came off and we made our way to the seating. All eyes were on us.
The music was roaring with traditional tunes sung by live singers. The room was decorated beautifully. I was expecting to see crazy textures and colors that didn't match, but the decor was quite elegant and tasteful. From the velvet wall coverings to the daintily covered chairs. Not too long after we sat down, the bride made her entrance. I remembered sitting up straighter and oooing and aahhing like when I was a kid at the circus. I turned to Desert Girl and shouted over the roaring speakers that this was better than Cirque Du Soeil. I mean, it really was. It was like the most spectacular, extravagant, drag-queen royalty parade you ever saw! Now I see that the queens in the states are probably trying to mimic these girls. And the hair! I so want to buy like ten bags of weave and practice one of those Grecian x 3 hair-do's.
After the family danced around the bride during her walk to her seat on the throne, we decided to dance. Well, me Slaps and LOL did. Desert Girl sat and cheered us on. The ladies on the dance floor were kind enough to show us a couple of moves and we joined right in. I don't know how to Arabic dance, but I do know how to salsa and rumba! A little shimmy here and a little shimmy there... waving my arms a bit, I sashayed my ass up and down the runway. I had so much fun laughing at myself and enjoying the music. I think most of the women there were proud of us for joining in and trying.
There are two negative things that stood out, unfortunately. And it's a shame too because I know a lot of thought and money was put into the decor. Although, the dress I got from Debenhams was glamorous and elegant... the spanks rolling down underneath were not. I had to take a "powder" moment in the bathroom to give those suckers a pull up. I KNOW you ladies who wear them know what I mean. Slaps and LOL went along and boy what a trifling mess that bathroom was! Soaking wet floors and wet tissue all over the place. I thought maybe I would use the restroom too, but decided against it because there was no dry tissue anywhere except the half dry nasty balls of tissue all over the floors. Then I thought, OK let me walk to the back so I could hike up my spanks... I walked towards a stall holding my dress up so it wouldn't touch the floor. I was looking down to watch for water puddles and uggggh! What is that??!! Remember that caterpillar toy from when you were a kid? Well, some nasty ass woman decided to take a dump on the floor and it looked like this except it was brown. Seriously, lady? The toilet was right there!
I mean, WHO does that kind of shit? No pun intended. Well, maybe a little pun. Anyway, the other thing that was a turn off was the food. I am a germaphobe in case you didn't know. I had no plans to eat any of the buffet, but I didn't want to appear rude when one of hosts of the party waved us over to come and eat. Me and LOL went to the buffet. The place where apparently grace and manners go out the window. Pushing, bumping, stepping on dress tails. First we couldn't find any clean plates and when we found a server girl she had a crate of freshly "cleaned" plates. Before she handed each of us one, she wiped them with a corner of table cloth! I had to consciously close my mouth. We went around throwing a few things that looked good on our plates and proceeded to stand in the middle of the buffet room and nibble so our hostess would see us eating the food. But after I saw like 10 women taste testing and eating with their forks out of the serving dishes, I thought I was going to be sick. We left our plates on an abandoned table and bolted back to the dance hall.
I can't remember if it was before or after the meal, but when the time for the husband and men came, we all had to put on our abayas. It was a fun ad festive entrance as the men danced and threw money up in the air for the couple. It reminded me of the baller style dudes in a strip club... Make it rain! As the men and the groom's family danced along the runway/dance floor. The music was so festive and lively. I thought it was a shame that all the covered ladies barely tapped their feet. Oh, the difference from a moment ago. LOL had said how sad that the men couldn't see how beautiful all the women looked and I agreed. Afterwards, a nervous looking bride was escorted out to live at her new family's home. We all danced again till my feet and legs hurt. The ladies on the dance floor got more comfortable and chatted with us as we danced. Mostly, just wanting to know who we were married to and where we were from. It was funny to see as we got nods of approval and hearing them go off in Arabic about what they thought of us. Smiling and nodding. I wondered if it was all good. But I really didn't care, I had just gone to my first Kuwaiti wedding!
